>ViBEs...EmoTions...of mine

2012-02-09T07:04:00.001+08:00

Yves Saint Laurent Ring with the engraving 'love' on its back.
Me likey.

2012-02-01T03:49:00.005+08:00

New Year's Eve 2011 @ the Youth Hostel in Berlin

Herbal alcohol is the bomb. While Christmas back home in Dublin was a quiet affair, New year's at Berlin was downright crazy. The aftermath of smoke from the fireworks and broken glass bottles strewn across the walkway were silent witnesses to the loud booming music and a million people partying at Brandenburger Tor moments right up to the countdown. It's absolutely fascinating how booze, music and dancing can bring people who speak different languages together.

Foxes and Placement at the Rock

2012-01-28T05:39:00.003+08:00

Rose bright and early (i placed 10 alarm clocks with a 15 min interval each) I had to wake up early. I was adamant that i was not late for the first GP placement in my first year in medical school. Gratefully, everything was grand and i arrived 10 mins prior to the clinic's opening hours. My partner for the day had his placement rescheduled, leaving me all alone to manage this foreign situation. All in all, it was an interesting and enriching experience. Dr. spicy food as well as Dr. step-in were really kind to share their world with me. I better get used to being shot questions and reacting quickly to them. Despite everything (mountains of information to study and early hours) i wouldn't change anything. I love doing what i'm finally given a chance to and there's rarely a day where i regret anymore.

Today. It was different being called a doctor. I mean it sounds grand and stuff but being introduced as Dr. C somehow made me feel small and vulnerable like an imposter. I guess its because of my pathetic amount of knowledge and experience. It doesn't help that all the patients were really encouraging. I will do better. I must for they only deserve the best.

On a different note, walking back in the chilly weather (-4 degrees) was made bearable with pretty sights along Westminister road. By pretty sights i mean the huge-ass houses that adorned the road on both sides.

musings

2012-01-28T05:21:00.001+08:00

Do you love me or just the thought of me? It’s so cliché but my mind has been going over this so many times I’ve stopped counting. Which one is it? And what’s the difference other than the ability to touch me?

2012-01-17T05:57:00.000+08:00

2012-01-09T02:40:00.002+08:00

my love's plane just took off and once again, i'm left alone.
this time it somehow hurts more.
i think i've just been hiding my feelings behind a stronghold.
putting on a brave front, pretending that i didn't care a bit.
my room feels empty now and whereever i look memories resound.
let the big 6 months countdown begin.
we will survive this.
i love you and you love me.
So what does that mean?

Girl Panic

2011-12-10T19:44:00.000+08:00

Yummilicious

2011-12-10T19:43:00.000+08:00

I sure love some defined pectorialis major and latissimus dorsi.
Hubba hubba

2011-12-08T22:03:00.000+08:00

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” – Jessica, age 8

babies

2011-12-04T19:37:00.002+08:00

on cold and rainy days, when i view baby pictures i just can't wait to have my own. but that would probably be 10 years down the road. haha. we've started making pacts in class that if anyone is not married by the age of 34, we'll settle for each other to procreate before all the risk factors increase exponentially starting from the age of 35.
Medicine is a wonderful thing but hell yeah, it makes one over think everything.

2011-12-04T19:23:00.000+08:00

let's dress up!

Wedding bells A Ringin'

2011-11-21T01:01:00.002+08:00

Just heard some exciting news!
There will be a wedding next August =D
Can't wait to wear pretty dresses/gowns!
It's going to be a full day event.
I heard its garden-themed..

My happily ever after

2011-11-19T10:46:00.003+08:00

Would i have a happily ever after 10-15 years from now?
For one i know that i'm somebody who needs a certain amount of freedom.
I can't stand people bursting my bubble.
I mean i know reality might not be so perfect but can't you try the least to make it as perfect for me?
My happily ever after would hopefully to be with someone who love me so much that his reason to live would be to make me happy..

Why are you being like this..

2011-11-19T07:12:00.001+08:00

On Love

2011-11-19T07:02:00.003+08:00

I need some romanticism in my life.
I should consider telling myself not to make compromises anymore.
Never thought i would when i was younger but to think i keep making excuses of why i should just let the constant unromantic-ness pass, its unacceptable.
Ultimately, retardedly sad.
And against what i thought were my principles.

Facile

2011-11-17T01:04:00.002+08:00

sometimes it feels like its so easy for me to put my life back home behind me.
that scares me.
what does that exactly mean then?

Medicine

2011-11-13T06:10:00.005+08:00

It's been almost 2 months since i first arrived in Dublin. I would like to say i miss Singapore a whole lot but it seems that i hardly do at times. After 4 years of not being able to do what i want, i'm finally dabbling in a field that i'm interested in. I would not say its entirely easy but to like learning something is refreshing. When i first arrived, i thought perhaps maybe i've made a wrong choice to continue pursuing this unreachable dream. And perhaps the voices that said that i'm crazy and stupid for wanting it so much were correct. At the back of my head the thought - that this dream wouldn't be as great as i perceived it to be or that it will turn out to be not something that i really thought i wanted - scared the hell out of me. It didn't help that my closest friends around me were moving on to their next stage of their lives - work and probably marriage,whilst i continue down the academic path and leave my relationship back at home. But i decided i had to take the chance. At the crossroads, this path which was so hard to come by called out to me. I knew that this would definitely be the turning point in my life.

During this 2 months, when i was alone and cooped up in my room, a small voice inside of me questioned maybe i was wrong. Wrong to be tempted to take this path. But then another small voice in my heart retorted with a simple question: if i did not make this choice, what would i be doing now back home? Most definitely and without question, i would be working. After graduating, I did attend a whole lot of interviews as a secondary back up plan. The job most suitable for my degree would be research. But research would not be my primary interest. I just couldn't see myself sitting in the lab from 9-5pm in my youth. Perhaps in my later years. Personally, I thrived on social interaction. So then if i had become a researcher, i wouldn't be happy. I would probably dread going to work everyday. If i had chosen to go into pharmaceutical sales, it would be because i could control my income. But is money everything? It would be lovely to have a nice pay package but at the end of the day, near deadlines, i would probably be so sick of it. So what then? With what my degree offered, i'll probably take up the private education offer. I do like teaching. I like helping people understand, show them it wasn't difficult to understand and even somehow stirring up their passion for the subject. Yet i know i wouldn't be truly happy as it is not something i knew i wanted in life. So then it seems that i have made the right decision since there was nothing back for me then. Besides medicine, i would have perhaps liked to be in a field where i could make pretty things, making people pretty and so forth. But i left that area a long time back in secondary school. It might be a little far-fetched for me to be predict but possibly next time in the far future, i could do it as a sideline. For now, i have to make my time worth and learn to be a good doctor.

Interestingly, last week we learned that in every cohort of medical students, there would be a particular individual who would succumb to the stresses of being in this specific course and develop a certain ailment. Commonly, this would be some sort of psychological illness - schizophrenia, bipolar disease or depression, or an addiction and perhaps obsession and paranoia.
We were also told to that most of us if not all will never be the top of our class again or even score As. Yet we should not be taken aback because after all grades does not necessarily predict what kind of doctor a person will turn out to be. haha. But life isn't as simple as they make it out to be yes? They did not consider other compounding factors of why we need good grades. In particular, good grades to obtain scholarships or when grades especially matter in a competitive home country.

Life should be with no regrets because all the choices that we make， we can blame no one but ourselves. We can say someone compelled us to do it or that we really had no choice. But no, there is always a choice. We could walk out and never turn back. Some choices needed more courage and perseverance than others. When i'm old and wrinkled and hopefully not alone, i'll tell this to my children that it is up to them to make the most out of their lives. If i am able to give them opportunities and they choose not seize them, they only have themselves to fault.

Je ne regrette rien, i pray.

Now and again

2011-11-12T06:12:00.002+08:00

to wake up everyday hoping to see you.
like butterflies in spring.
or maybe its just a one-sided thing.
praying that maybe fate will bring you my way.

2011-10-28T02:02:00.002+08:00

Maybe i love you

2011-10-19T03:03:00.001+08:00

Maybe I love you, maybe I do
Maybe this feeling inside me is true
And if I love you, and if I do
Then maybe baby maybe you love me too

I knew I liked you, I knew I cared
And I knew that something was brewing in the air
But I don't fall easily, too many betrayed me

I wasn't feeling quite like myself
And something inside me was sitting on the shelf
But then you swam into my heart
And now the good step starts

How can I know for sure
That you and I are meant for something more
And I oh, I have to go on this, this feeling inside
And I hope that I am, I hope that I am right

2011-10-16T08:24:00.001+08:00

life as it is.

2011-10-12T20:08:00.001+08:00

To not miss

2011-10-11T03:59:00.002+08:00

When you don't miss a person, what does it all mean?
Does it mean you don't think about the person at all?
Or that you don't really love that someone?
Or that person isn't that important afterall?
Or is it because there's too little hours in a day to miss when we're too busy?
Or is it because we miss the person so much that we subconsciously block/numb that feeling in an attempt to protect ourselves?

2011-09-14T02:47:00.001+08:00

trust

2011-09-03T01:51:00.002+08:00

i think i might have trust issues.
i guess i'll never know if you're mine completely, or that you would give me all your love not until its a legal contract or at least when there's a ring to it.
Kind of sad isn't it.
i'm too complicated for my own good
*
Packing luggages and DHL boxes can be pretty depressing. It's intriguing how we can pack our lives into just a few boxes with a maximum weight of 50kg.
More often then not i wonder whether i'll even be missed. It might just be a case of out of sight, out of mind. I might sound a bit of self-indulgent and full of self-pity here but the past few weeks have strained more than one friendship. It's amazing how you can know a person for 4 years and still know little about them and how much they weigh your friendship or how they categorize you.
I never did like to share my true feelings with friends. I guess it's this fear of being hurt, being vulnerable, getting the short-end of the stick and realising that they never was what you'd call true friends.

My vunerability

2011-08-31T01:36:00.002+08:00

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness, but in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable." - C.S. Lewis

I told him that i was scared. But he comforted me that there was nothing to fear.
That he'll be waiting.
It always surprises me how our relationship has grown in many ways and that there's someone who actually puts up with my idiosyncrasies.
I do hope we remain close.
Far in distance but never apart in the heart.
Love is about understanding and giving without expecting anything in return.
Nobody ever said that a lasting relationship doesn't take effort.
Each hurdle would make us closer like how the last one did (at least if the time is taken to understand how each party feels).
Love will grow in unexpected ways when a leap of faith and trust is given.

I want a relationship like my parent's/
So loving that they still indulge in each other's company at every other chance they have even after nearly 30 odd years of knowing each other.
Like how my dad can't live without my mom.
She's his oxygen.

2011-08-17T23:18:00.000+08:00

so upset. just so upset.

WTF

2011-08-16T12:04:00.002+08:00

Let me paint a story today.

IF you had woke up this morning, to receive a msg from your supposedly boyfriend telling you that he was invited to a girl's 21st birthday party on the night just before your flight to go overseas for at least a year or so AND he asks you how?

Wouldn't you go "honestly, wtf?!!! like seriously"

With all the common sense in the world, this situational hiccup signifies that there's something wrong in the relationship yes? I mean if the guy prefers to go to someone else's 21st instead of spending what remaining time you have left in the country, then any dignified girlfriend would rather not spend her remaining time with someone who places her so little in his eyes.

What do you guys think?

I'd say go just go, leave just leave. BE where ever your heart tells you. If i was the girl, i wouldn't want that supposed-boyfriend anywhere near me since i was at one stage in his decision-making not part of his priorities. This is because if the guy should in the end choose to spend time with the girlfriend after asking her this, it means that his final decision would probably be part of her coaxing / as a result of her reaction to his question and NOT because he sincerely loves to spend time with her.

IF one day you told your supposedly boyfriend that your Dad had recently asked you that if your relationship was serious, you should start making serious plans and that of getting a house. AND your boyfriend reacts by going "oh" and then changes the subject, what would that make you think?

Yes, it would give you the conclusion that the relationship isn't as serious as you thought afterall.

Turns out the decision to go overseas might not affect things at all instead it reveals things and people as they truly are.

I don't know what being apart will mean for us.

2011-08-11T23:12:00.002+08:00

If i'm a million dollar investment with negative financial returns, would you still invest in me?

When i'm alone.

2011-08-01T00:41:00.002+08:00

When i'm alone in my own world, my thoughts would naturally drift.
I would wonder about the have-beens and what could have been.
I would naturally reflect and compare my situation with others and this would lead me to question why isn't my situation like theirs? Is it because i'm unlucky or is it because they've got it better off.

In the instance of love, why does it seem that some others are happier?
Why does it seem that they've found their soul mate who appreciates their existence. Perhaps they really have.
Or partners who love to indulge in spending time with each other.
Or love showing off their partners.

Sucks my train of thought got interrupted. Shall continue next time.

2011-07-31T00:41:00.001+08:00

will you stay with me and be my love?

2011-07-31T00:26:00.002+08:00

Am i selfish to pursue my dreams of studying medicine?
I've heard reasons that makes it seem that i shouldn't be studying it.
For one, i've heard that by studying medicine, i'll end up marrying late and this would inevitably result in having children late. I've also heard that there's no good time to have a child when you're a doctor let alone have time to spend time with your child.
Yes i know medicine is a calling that would require a permanent lifestyle change but that doesn't necessarily mean that i've to give up my principals right?
I do want to have a family. I do want to have children. I do want to raise my own and spend time with them.
I know that will be difficult but i don't think it's impossible right. Even in other careers some parents don't have the time or perhaps they don't put in the effort in spending time with their child. So i guess it isn't really about career choice? Although the career would definitely place a limiting factor. Yet i believe in quality and not quantity of time yes?
PLus, if i do meet a certain special someone who is understanding enough of my situation and the sacrifices that would have to be made, then nothing is impossible right?
I don't know why but the other day when i was told this, i just felt like i was being told off that i made the wrong decision because afterall i still want family and relationships in my life. I know career is not everything. The way she said it was as if i didn't care about anything else except career.

When i've found my special one. He'll understand.
And when he does. I'll get the best of both worlds.
It would be a compromise but nothing is ever perfect.
Its about making the best out of what we have.

2011-07-24T21:59:00.002+08:00

masquerade party

confessions

2011-07-19T00:12:00.000+08:00

And he said he wants a lifetime warranty.
:)

Soko

2011-07-14T23:29:00.003+08:00

I love soko's narrative folky style of music.
So easy to relate to.
It gets a bit trance-like after awhile.

I love Chalk Board Walls

2011-07-12T15:16:00.001+08:00

My dream house next time would definitely have one of theseee.
Love loads.

the ring: an alternate ending.

2011-07-11T02:22:00.003+08:00

two days earlier.
mrt train.
opened a package.
saw a ring.
momentarily stunned.
because, it was a ring. given on the train?
then he piped in, "it's from my mother"
i couldn't help but laugh to myself in my mind.
Well it is truly funny that the first ring i ever received from him was from his mother.
i know better than to expect a deviation from reality.
my life's quite amusing sometimes: like a korean soap opera.

All that i need to espouse

2011-07-01T23:44:00.000+08:00

2011-06-30T22:42:00.002+08:00

People don't understand what we have.
you're mine.
i'm yours.
at least that's what it feels like now.
hope we stay gold.

mouthwatering

2011-06-30T00:34:00.002+08:00

Way back in january in KL with loads of room service.
I love the fluffy-ness of the pancakes.
Would you cook some for me?

are we truly mean for each other?

2011-06-29T00:39:00.001+08:00

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

- Bob Marley

blues

2011-06-27T23:52:00.000+08:00

US

2011-06-24T00:04:00.002+08:00

Last month in KL together. <3

My double exposure

2011-06-23T00:26:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was the summer solstice. Yesterday was my 23rd birthday.
More later bout the happenings.

Double Exposure Fashion + Animals

2011-06-11T22:25:00.002+08:00

French artists Thomas Couderc and Clément Vauchez of Helmo created this intriguing series 'Bêtes de mode' which means Fashion animals.
The art is so hauntingly inspiring. Don't you love it?

airy fairy

2011-05-19T01:29:00.001+08:00

Collection from stone cold fox

totally dig lace and translucent clothings.
I'm craving for vanilla strawberry souffle cake now.

2011-05-11T00:52:00.000+08:00

Miss X from Carte Blanche X on Vimeo.

Paranoia

2011-04-28T15:01:00.002+08:00

I broke down yesterday.
After the exam for a module that i thought cleared my faculty requirement for me to graduate, my friends told me that it didn't. That i got confused by the module codes.
Obviously i panicked.
But what they said was true.
So i went down to the administration and dean's office today and efficiently, my case was solved.
Thank god.
So all's well ends well.

I would be graduating next weekkkkkkkkk!

On another note, i think i might have parkinson's disease.
I have a slight tremor in my hands and arms.
Maybe its me hallucinating, maybe its exam stress, maybe its the lack of sleep. But if that is the case, then i've got a bout of medical student syndrome aka hypochondriasis of medical students where i perceive myself to have the disease that i have studied. I hope the latter is the case and not the former.

Back to work now.
Ciaos

I've decided

2011-04-13T18:18:00.002+08:00

Ever since pappi asked me to choose my graduation present memorabilia, i've been hunting for the perfect watch. I've finally decided on Chopard's new release, the rose gold and steel imperiale which has a mother-of-pearl base. How gorgeous is it?

My New TOY

2011-03-30T23:13:00.002+08:00

A bunch of awesomness

The Queen gifted me with a surprise just after she left for Germany.
She told me, go to her room and beneath the dresser would be a black bag. Take the black bag and its contents were just for me. To keep me company.
Yeah, i was feeling quite abandoned by everyone.
But anyhoo, the surprise turned out to be a Samsung Galaxy Tab!
So awesome. Now i don't need to lug the heavy i-pad around.
I love the casing she got me too.
I've named it 'Lil Red'

The mag wasn't part of the present but its an up and coming new magazine in Singapore. With its style and unique spread layout, i won't be surprised if ALEXIS becomes one of Singapore's hottest selling fashion mag soon.

jacq

2011-03-20T17:31:00.001+08:00

Your Love - Marie Digby Original

2011-03-13T02:32:00.000+08:00

Bare it all

2011-03-13T00:44:00.003+08:00

So its likely that i'll be studying overseas now.
no grad trip for me.
I told him that its 90% chance that we'll have to take it to a LDR.
It didn't seem like he wants it to work that way.
Yes, after nearly 4 years i still have no idea where's this headed. Our situation is quite the contrast with others where they'll know they want to (at least in the current situation) end up with each other.

I assure myself it's still too early, we are too young.
Others say the opposite.
So then, either way i'll pursue my dream and whether he waits for me and come over depends on fate and how strong is this "LOVE". They say love is all bout' sacrifices and thinking of the other but i don't think i'll do the sacrificing here. My dream is too big. The future is all too important. I've been pursuing this for all too long.
Every day i feel my heart sink further but i know that this will be a wonderful test for this relationship.
If he is so uncertain now, why should i place my confidence in this?

H&M spring collection

2011-03-13T00:34:00.003+08:00

Totally loving the whole 70's feel. Such an inspiration.

Visuals

2011-03-12T22:53:00.004+08:00

Didn't go for the shoot today. Somehow because of that, i don't feel that the day is complete. I believe i'm addicted. I went for medicine interviews instead. Yes, i'm pursuing medicine and not a fashion or photography degree. I can't see myself doing otherwise. I guess it's hard to have many interests and flairs.

home

2011-03-08T00:12:00.001+08:00

and the book that was this year's valentine's gift

Morphing

2011-03-06T23:18:00.001+08:00

HAHA.

http://www.morphthing.com/baby/8204149-Baby-of-10150092266116447-and-32610986446?key=712468a5fa506586ea3ad833d73332a4

Photog Inspiration

2011-03-02T22:02:00.001+08:00

Nadinoo

2011-02-27T17:06:00.001+08:00

Nadinoo-Vimeo HD from Crena Watson on Vimeo.

Cinematography by Crena Watson

Once i master photography, i will delve into cinematography.
Creating beautiful stuff is addictive.

You're my Rainbow.

2011-02-27T03:00:00.000+08:00

My boy

2011-02-27T02:54:00.002+08:00

Things i love about this shoot is his rosy cheeks, seemingly frost-bitten.
And just enough boyish charm.

Spring

2011-02-23T00:59:00.001+08:00

Model: Clariss

Ballet Test Shoot

2011-02-20T00:17:00.004+08:00

With Aud

With all the hype with Natalie's Portman "The Black Swan", i thought the ballet theme was rather appropriate. Seriously, the show is warped. Lovely day but loads of bugs, felt totally evil for the location of the shoot; aud got eaten alive by bugs. The last two shots are my favorites - mood and composition.

Suitcases

2011-02-20T00:13:00.002+08:00

Awesome shit. Xing got me one!
ITs currently flying over the atlantic i think.
Updates soon =D

Naked, Secret, Kiss

2011-02-18T23:05:00.001+08:00

Sometimes

2011-02-18T23:02:00.001+08:00

Sometimes i feel so tired of wanting to be with you.

Hair Yarn

2011-02-18T01:32:00.002+08:00

Images from Honestly...WTF and Vogue

Styling inspirations from Thakoon.
I want to do this for my next shoot.
Thank god xing is coming home soon.

Valentine's

2011-02-15T22:04:00.001+08:00

Baby, its our 5th Valentine's together this year.

I love you too.

All in a Day's Work.

2011-02-12T00:51:00.004+08:00

Work.
Probably needs more improvement.
But for starters, i'd applaud myself?

Hairry Issues

2011-01-31T23:30:00.002+08:00

First two pics: Abbey Lee in Australian Vogue

The Queen's coming back tomorrow and Pappi invited me for a hair treat.
Decisions decisions.

boho

2011-01-30T15:35:00.000+08:00

Josefine By Brooke Coffrey

Hair Part Deux: Snaking French Braids

2011-01-28T21:11:00.000+08:00

Recreate Fantasy

2011-01-27T17:40:00.000+08:00

Images from Honestly...WTF

Let's recreate this

Hair

2011-01-26T14:35:00.003+08:00

*Free People Catalog*

Hair Extensions or Highlights for CNY anyone?

2011-01-23T19:18:00.005+08:00

Beautiful and fairness
I asked for none
You are you is what
i want

Unlike the sweet couplet above,
I don't think we were meant to be.
I am I
But I am not the one you want.
You try to change me.
But i won't.

2011-01-22T21:40:00.001+08:00

Expired

2011-01-08T00:14:00.003+08:00

What happened?

I'm guessing that the expiry date happened that's what.

If you can't or won't put up with me when i'm at my worst, who says that you deserve me at my best?

If you said you don't foresee anything, why then should we follow through.

If you don't do anything romantic or what nots to show that you deserve me or to win me back, what then would be the point?

If you gave up now so easily, what are the chances it wouldn't happen agaain ever.

If i won't be the priority now, what is the possibility that i would be in the future.

2011 is a new year for new beginnings. I've already met an ending so early in the year.

Why all the fuss?

Yes we are young.

Yes the future is always uncertain.

Yes there are no guarantees in life.

But if i have seen happy endings, don't i deserve one too?

But if i have seen old couples who still do romantic cheesy stuff like holding each other hands and surprising each other or whispering sweet nothings and do certain stuff just because the significant other loves it, i don't believe that i can't have a love like that too.

But if i have seen or heard declarations of love that the person loves another for all the good, bad and eccentricities, don't i deserve someone like that too?

What is a declaration of love if it is so easily said and not portrayed.

What is a declaration of love if it is not through thick and thin and all the rough patches.

I don't need no fakey love.

Not now, not ever.

If one can't or bother to sincerely convince me otherwise, don't even bother.

If one doesn't even try, i'll know it wasn't even real to begin with.

Although it will hurt at the start for sure (i'm no robot with a metal heart), i'll know that it will be better for me to know what i want. It will be better that everything is laid out clear. No hidden agendas, no secrets, no unknown expectations.

It's scary i know, with a success rate of 1% if i told anyone my expectations and when they know who i truly am..But i realize why hide? When the inevitable will happen sooner or later.

Better sooner than later, i believe.

If i'm fated to be a spinster then so be it.

So if one can't measure or is up to this challenge, why test water and play with fire?

Because all we'll ever have will be a bad rerun again and again till the film burns and goes up in flames.

2011-01-07T02:01:00.001+08:00

My first relationship just ended over the telephone.
I saw this coming.
3 years 3 months of wasted youth.

2011-01-04T01:29:00.002+08:00

The first decade of my life would seem ever so perfect.
A child model with a blossoming career.
Ballet.
Good grades.
Music. Singing.
Drawing and painting.
Skipping school during term time to travel the world and for shoots.
And whole lot of fun.

Into the second decade of my life..
I still do hope to model.
Dance is pretty out of my life currently.
Grades uhm...more effort is needed than in previous years..
Creating Music is less of a priority in my life.
And all this because of career prioritization.
My idea of fun has changed.
Making photographs has become my new love.
I continue to adore fashion, design and pretty things.
My desire to practice medicine has possessed me.

Sometimes i believe i've conflicting interests.
How'd i wish life is so much easier.
It seems like the yesteryears were just a dream.

i need to find my soulmate

2010-12-23T01:12:00.000+08:00

2010-12-23T00:36:00.003+08:00

I want to revamp my room. That means repainting my walls and tearing down my 14 year old ballet wall murals. =(((

2010-12-23T00:30:00.000+08:00

how do you exit from something which will get nowhere?
when do you say no?

2010-12-21T13:16:00.001+08:00

i'm going to pen down my thoughts and mail you a letter.
don't say i didn't warn you what's coming.

i believe i'm going to die young; of a bursted blood vessel

2010-12-11T23:06:00.001+08:00

you act like you don't know me at all.
that's what ticks me off.
good bye.

Boys

2010-12-06T23:11:00.004+08:00

image adapted from The Sartorialist

So cuute.
i can just eat him for breakfast.
he'll be a heartbreaker one day.

Black's the new colour

2010-12-02T00:21:00.002+08:00

Image from Fashiongonerouge

My hair's black. Once more. No actually, its a darker shade of black then my natural hair colour. I know there's logically no darker shade of black and black is just black. But to sum it up, my hair's just unnaturally black now. The Queen said it would tone down after a couple of washes. So far, it hasn't.
Why black? Sacrifices have to be made. haha. For what's its worth. If dyeing my hair black would get me what i want, i'll keep it black for the next few decades. :)
But then now i'm itching to cut my hair to a bob.

Last December

2010-12-01T21:06:00.002+08:00

These are pictures from last year's trip.
It's December once again, yet. I'm not in a holiday mood.
Today's exam ended badly. Real Bad.
If i get a B and above, it would really be a miracle to say the least.
Sigh.

2010-11-28T09:11:00.002+08:00

Genlux Spring Editorial

Who cares if i act like a princess.
I get to be one, live with it.

i can't breathe

2010-11-28T08:44:00.000+08:00

2010-11-28T00:04:00.002+08:00

how'd you know you're in a destructive relationship.
how'd you know when you're too comfortable to move on.
If you know that you're never going to end up with that particular person, should you just pretend you don't know that fact and carry on?

On a side note, i've got a thing for guys with curly hair. So cute.
and i like the victorian lace slip at Free People Clothing Boutique.
Oh santa.

zara

2010-11-25T17:19:00.001+08:00

i need money, at this rate.

I lust

2010-11-24T12:06:00.002+08:00

(Watch - S.T.A.M.Ps, Clothes - Zara, Retro Shades - Fendi 2011)

I really want. This particular pair of sunglasses.
Feel the love.

when i'm scared (really scared about life); i don't show it

2010-11-18T15:33:00.000+08:00

love letter

2010-11-13T23:58:00.000+08:00

A little bird told me.

2010-11-12T03:33:00.000+08:00

On me dit que nos vies ne valent pas grand-chose
Elles passent en un instant comme fanent les roses
On me dit que le temps qui glisse est un salaud
Que de nos chagrins il s'en fait des manteaux
Pourtant quelqu'un m'a dit...

Que tu m'aimais encore
C'est quelqu'un qui m'a dit que tu m'aimais encore
Serait-ce possible alors ?

On me dit que le destin se moque bien de nous
Qu'il ne nous donne rien et qu'il nous promet tout
Parais que le bonheur est à portée de main
Alors on tend la main et on se retrouve fou
Pourtant quelqu'un m'a dit...

Mais qui est-ce qui m'a dit que toujours tu m'aimais ?
Je ne me souviens plus c'était tard dans la nuit
J'entend encore la voix, mais je ne vois plus les traits
"Il vous aime, c'est secret, lui dites pas que je vous l'ai dit"
Tu vois quelqu'un m'a dit...

Que tu m'aimais encore, me l'a-t-on vraiment dit...
Que tu m'aimais encore, serait-ce possible alors ?

From: http://lyricstranslate.com

Bang, I'm Dead.

2010-11-12T01:24:00.000+08:00

Goodbye my almost lover.

2010-11-11T16:17:00.000+08:00

Lanvin and H&M collaboration

2010-11-10T23:56:00.003+08:00

I love these pieces so.
I'm trying to convince the Queen to get Xing to send some back for me.
Lusting over them.
Get one for me?

It hurts

2010-11-10T23:05:00.004+08:00

I used money to buy time and love.

Today, I realized how much it sucked to be on this side of the looking glass.
Today, I realized that money can't buy happiness.
Not when it isn't as great a motivating factor.
Each complaint; each glance to check time; each frown told me that this will probably not last.
Like a lawyer billing his client.
Maybe she is right.
Maybe i do deserve better.
At least i tried once in life.

How sweet. How dedicated.

Today, i scoffed at S's remark.
If only she knew.
If only she knew i bought time.
It's always to think how easy other people got it made out for them.
Hardly, we ever stop to think if there's any ugly truth behind it all.
At least, i learned that i should never do what i did again.

Remind me not to have my words come back and bite me.
I'm sorry. I'm not happy.

Limitless possibilities

2010-11-07T14:53:00.003+08:00

Clothes by Emami

Could you, Could you buy this for me?
I love how multifunctional the clothes by this Scandinavian Label are.